The search for love is not one which requires a detective but one which comes naturally. I am not going to lie, I am not a ‘love guru’; I do not believe anyone is. When I told people that I was writing this piece many, myself included, laughed, thinking I was the last person to ever be able to love, let alone write about it. But upon reflection I realised that I just see love in a different way, and have been falsely following the definitions set out by fictional stories.
Everyone has a different concept of what constitutes love. I find many people strive for the generic concept of love, finding that special someone who likes you for who you are, yet fail to find it. Is it not ironic how something which is meant to bring happiness creates so much destruction?
We are told that love is finding someone to share our life with. But isn’t it more complicated than that? It is specific to you. No one else can tell you who or how to love, just like no one should tell you how to live your life. We look for answers which are unobtainable.
So why am I writing this if there is no answer?
Questions of love are only unanswerable if you look to others for answers.
This is simply to get you to think of what love means to you, and not to accept what everyone else believes it to be. To me life is about enjoying your time, spreading happiness and helping others, not searching for love, but letting love find you.
Love is effortless.
Love is simple.
Love is pure.
Many theorists infer that love is a craving for specific individuals, hence why once ended it is difficult to forget an individual. It is a way two people look at each other and feel around each other. Feeling immense joy when around each other, never wanting to leave.
Everyone’s description of love is just that, a description of what they see or feel. No one defines love because no one knows what it is, only that it is two people coming together with deep feelings and a strong connection to each other. It is something which happens suddenly or grows over time.
I have only ever been in love once before. I could not see life without him there. Everything we did we did together; we never argued or felt claustrophobic, we would spend endless days inseparable. It was easy, simple, and it just happened. I didn’t plan it. I didn’t even know it was there until it was gone. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a happy ending.
Without that experience and ‘heart break’ I would not know what love meant to me. Being able to spend every day with one person and not want to murder them, forgiving them for everything and anything they do. But mainly that feeling of despair after it ended, of not knowing what to do next.
Anyone who knows me will know possibly who I am on about, but mainly how strange it is for me to be able to spend that much time with someone without being irritated. It is the only thing that separates friendships from love.
For you it might be that you like everything about him. He might give you that tingling feeling. You might feel comfortable within his company. But distinguishing true love from that which we perceive to be love is a challenge, and I believe you cannot truly do that unless you have had your heart broken. I know what I had was different purely because of my reaction to it, and the difference between feelings of ‘love’ with other people in comparison.
I have had many opportunities since to be with someone and the relationship had the potential to turn into love, but I am looking for something which I have yet to find. I will know once I have found it. I am not looking for anything or anyone. I am just enjoying life. l will hopefully welcome someone I love once they arrive.
You are your own love guru.
Only you know the definition of love.
Text by an anonymous writer.
Photos by Max Cykiert.