1. The Serial Snacker

Someone who knows the Surrey Shop is there for a reason, and it is there to be appreciated. Commonly found with 6 cans of energy drinks, and a tower of crisps, biscuits and boost bars. Only approach if you can bear the sound of crunching, chewing, slurping or if you desperately want a biscuit.

2. The Sleeper

This person is probably on the 5th floor of the library (ahhh, so peaceful), with their head in a book. Because they have fallen asleep on it. There have been cases of them giving up on revision entirely, and falling asleep under the table/on the sofa areas (see: ‘Spotted: University of Surrey’, on Facebook). In fact, you’re bound to spot someone having a snooze most times you’re in the library.

3. The Caffeine Junkie

The complete opposite of The Sleeper. It is 9am. They wander in, bleary eyed. Machine-made Costa, or maybe even Starbucks in hand. And they keep going back for more. 3pm? Still drinking coffee. 7pm? Probably latte time. 11pm? Their eyes are stuck open… but they are still drinking coffee. Can we start to class coffee as a performance enhancing drug?

4. The friends who won’t stop talking (in the silent area)
O.M.G. Did you hear what Sophie did last night??!? .. Yep, me too. Huns, if you want a natter, go do it in Starbucks with your no-foam, skinny lattes. Also ‘lads’, soz, but your problems aren’t interesting either. One of the most annoying things about the library is the groups of friends who go there and do not stop talking full volume, especially in the individual or silent areas.

5. The Home-Maker

Someone who has literally set up camp in the library. They probably walk around bare foot. They might be in their pyjamas. They definitely have a duvet. Complete with phone chargers, pain killers, and spare clothes. These people might not leave for days, who knows? (To people thinking we’re exaggerating, the library has toilets, sofas, showers and the Surrey Shop downstairs, and you don’t have to pay rent or bills, so really, why leave at all?)

6. Is it a library??? Or your favourite restaurant?????

This is definitely an evening thing. You’re trying to write the last few hundred words of an essay, and then, without warning, the smell of Dominos, or Chinese, or Nando’s comes your way. You turn around, and there the restaurant client is tucking into a 3 course meal, probably with actual cutlery.

7. The Night Owl

Those brave souls who stay in the library past 8pm (?!?!), and who are probably there when you go back the next morning. The Night Owl (closely related to the Caffeine Junkie) will use anything to stay awake, whether that’s energy drinks, coffee, or physically holding their eyes open. They are the bad-ass people who will stay in the library even after the actual staff have gone home, and will snapchat themselves leaving at 4am.

8. The Rich Kid

There are LOADS of these at Surrey, but no one will admit they’re rich. They just sit there with their Mac Book, checking the time (/their off-shore accounts??) on their Apple Watch. Normally found wearing (v subtle, obviously) labels, with a Venti Starbucks close by. Always with IPhone 6 plus in hand.

9. The One Who Doesn’t Know What Season it is

Very simple really, those absolute maniacs who still insist on wearing shorts and flip-flops in January. You know who you are.

10. The One Whose Library Card Just Won’t Scan??
Hun, after 3 tries, you need to ask for help. Whilst the queue to get in starts to snake down the stairs, this person just keeps on trying to scan their card… When people say ‘never give up’, they refer to things like following your dreams, or gym classes. In this case however, give up, give in, and let the nice librarian sort it out for you.

Text by Katherine Frances Skippon, image borrowed from surrey.ac.uk